I feel hands on my back pushing me into expectation
Like when a group of friends pushes you into that boy you’ve been crushing on and whispering about
but never talk to
The fear of rejection and disillusionment anchors my feet to the floor
I’m leaning my body weight against the forward movement
Better to not know
Better to live the dream only in my mind
Than face the possibility of hope deferred
My heart has been broken and bleeding too many times this past season
My eyes are dried of tears
To bleed again for the cause of faith and hope sounds valiant
But my zeal is very low
A life among the ordinary appeals to my desire for rest and safety
but I’ve burned all those bridges

And so here I stand
On an island
The only way forward is through the ocean
The waves are frightful
But I have no where else to go
My ship back to safety and comfort has already sailed
I’m looking into your vastness
I’m afraid to be consumed

But I feel a hazy sense of resurrection
It’s tingling underneath my skin
New life?
Maybe just maybe I do have the energy to rise again
To take my board and surf the waves of promise no matter how many times I’m wiped out by the waves of misplaced trust

These hands on my back feel comforting
I sense love in these hands
But what about when they stop pushing me
And there I stand
Alone
In Your presence
What will I say to You?
What will be Your response?
I’m told You’ve been whispering about me as well
But I haven’t heard many of those whispers for myself

I’m nervous
Could this be it?
I’m taking a deep breath
I’m looking up into Your eyes
And smiling

January 3, 2016