Sometimes, I post things on this blog that are basically just excerpts from my journal (or iPhone notes). That’s what this is. It doesn’t flow very well, because it was a stream of thoughts, and I didn’t want to edit it. It feels relevant, so I’m posting it. But it’s also vulnerable, so I’m nervous about doing so. I added some definitions, because I feel the need to add some objectivity into the mix; which seems to be super rare these days.

Definitions (from www.merriam-webster.com)

Sexism:  prejudice or discrimination based on sex; especially :  discrimination against women

Feminism:  the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes

Racism: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race

My stream of thoughts and confessions 

Sexism
It’s the same as racism
It’s stereotyping an entire group of people usually in a negative way
My sexism started from a wound that never healed
It created a stronghold in my mind that kept affirming that men can’t be trusted, men are prideful, men are sexist, men are not for me, I can’t connect with men
I didn’t want this stronghold
I often thought I was wired wrong
But I wasn’t wired wrong, I just had this large stronghold in my mind
I was hoping and praying the right man would come into my life and remove it with his perfect love and affection
But that Man is already in my life
He doesn’t try to change me unless I want it and unless I’m willing to work with him
I’ve been legitimately wounded and hurt my men in this world
But not all men are like that
I’m fragile now
I see the wall and I’m beginning to tear it down, but I need help
I need men to apologize and hear me out
Then I need to accept their apology, forgive, and move on
I need to repent for looking for the bad in them
They aren’t perfect
They are weak and fragile just like me
I need to ask for forgiveness
There’s so much of this pain out there
But we aren’t getting healed in the right way
The music airways are being filled with songs about women tired of getting put down by men
We vibe with the music not realizing this is making us hard, not healed
We don’t even realize it
We are blind
We demand our right to speak and unleash our pain
But we aren’t healed from bleeding in public
We are just unveiling our woundedness
I didn’t think I was the problem
But I was part of it
I nursed my wounds which festered hate
and I don’t want to be that woman anymore