I’ve finally given in and joined the blogging world. If I’m being honest, I’ve wanted to be here for a while. But the bandwagon seemed pretty full already, so I needed to identify a solid reason of why my inner thoughts needed to be shared with the world.

So here’s the reason.

I’m about to embark on a new part of my life journey. And I’m extremely excited to be moving in this direction. The flip side of excited is usually anxiety. Sometimes the two can be hard to distinguish, at least for me, because they both give me funny feelings in my belly and make me feel like I have to pee. Ok but seriously I am mostly excited, with maybe spurts of nervousness.

See I’ve just quit my job where I was earning a stable income for about the past 3 years, to become a missionary (of sorts). Now wait wait wait, before you start thinking “O, I know this story: twenty-something-year-old, white, American girl who thinks she’s going to save the world, one 3rd-world country at a time,” hear me out. While I can’t deny some aspects of that statement to be true I want to let you know from the start I am not writing this blog to receive any sort of applause from people. In fact that’s probably one of the main reasons I’ve stayed away from blogging this long.

I do not, by any means, believe my decisions or way of life to be anything more than simple obedience. I’m quitting my job and joining full-time missions staff at Gateway House of Pray because it’s the step I believe I need to take on this journey toward knowing Jesus and surrendering my whole life to him.

But I have yet to get to my main point of why I’m starting to blog.

In order to do what God is calling me to, I am taking one more piece of my self-reliant flesh and laying it at the cross and in doing so becoming more dependent on him. I mean the initial thought of that isn’t too scary. I love Jesus, and we’ve been together for a long enough time that I trust him. But there is one key component to this step where the excitement easily shifts to anxiety. I am not only dependent on Jesus, but also on his body, the Church.

For most Christians, we can usually grasp onto the idea that Jesus is a dependable guy. But haven’t we learned that to be true because people are so undependable? I’ve even used phrases like “People will always fail you, but God never will.” And while there is some truth to that idea, I think it enforces individualism when applied to the Church, which as we all know is not how the Church is supposed to function. In Ephesians 4, Paul talks about the Church, being one body, called to “maintain the unity of the Spirit.” And as Paul says elsewhere, (Rom 12) each part of the body has a different function. Simply said I’m just a limb, maybe a foot or hand or something cool like a knee cap, but without the rest of the body I am of no use. My function will not function without attachment to the rest of the body with the lifeblood of Jesus surging through us all.

As I step out in faith I’ve come to the realization that my faith is in a God that chooses to work through his people. Sure, he could drop provision from the heavens, but that’s too easy. And it probably wouldn’t take much faith, which has rightly been said to be “the currency of the kingdom.”

So I’m starting to blog because I am dependent on people to partner with me in what I’ve been called to. Even though my life hasn’t been my own since I exchanged it for Christ’s, now in a fuller way I’m realizing what that looks like. It looks like living in extremes and serving the “least of these” and pouring out love on Jesus through prayer and worship. But it also looks like vulnerability, which at times can be harder for me than leaving the comfort of my wealthy first world country.

I’ve opened up the door of my heart for God to see, but it’s no surprise to him because he could see it all along. But I’m now opening up my heart, my life, for people to see, to comment and “judge me” on. Ahh that sounds scary and terrible! But as a wise friend used to say when the phrase “don’t judge me” was popular, “no, judge me please, I’d rather be judged now than later.” This isn’t asking for criticism that leads to negativity and endless introspection, rather it’s asking for accountability unto the call we’ve been given to live above reproach, because we bear the name of Christ.

I desire real partnership with people. I want those who support me financially and in prayer to know and feel, as much as possible, that they are truly a part of what God is doing in and through me. Because they are. Because you are.

So as I journey forward I’m inviting you on this adventure with me. I want to share my experiences, I want to share my revelation, and even the small details of what I’m doing, because you have invested in my life. It’s a real investment, a heavenly one. And all that I do, I couldn’t do without you.