Moleskin Revelation…thoughts on “story”

A few weeks ago I found one of my old moleskine journals hiding in my backpack. I began paging through it, and midway through stumbled on this little nugget. I felt like it was what I needed to be reminded of in the moment, so I’m going to share it.

my-story

Revelation on “Story”

We always want to be the main characters of our stories/lives. In fact the wording “our stories” implies that idea. We control our stories, we narrate them, and we are the focus of all the events taking place.

In my life, that idea causes me to thrill seek. Because the best parts of stories are the climaxes right? Stories need characters to change. They need action, adventure, love, romance, tragedy, and comedy. Stories need conflict and momentum. And as we passively watch stories play out in books, movies, or theater, we are rooting for the hero. If all the other characters die or fade from the story we can bare it if the hero survives and “wins” out in the end. No matter the surrounding devastation.

But I think there’s something faulty in this embedded understanding of us as the heros of our stories. I think there might be just a twinge of deception. A slight side step off the path. But because the path is narrow even a slight side step, be it an honest mistake, be it a valid point, be it even admirable, is still off the path. And if we aren’t on the narrow path, what then? Well then we aren’t headed toward life.

What am I suggesting? Simply, that we aren’t actually the heros of our stories. But there’s a broader point here. One that the Lord pointed out to me when I was considering my family.

I come from a big family. I have seven siblings, and a large extended family. And recently I noticed that we each have our own “thing.” We have our own lives, but more specifically we have our own passions. And our passions are significant. Let me give some examples.

My parents are passionate about orphans and adoption. They’ve personally adopted three children (seen below), and they lead a ministry called Team 127, based on James 1:27.  Everywhere they look they see the needs of orphaned children across the world. And it seems that everything they hear reiterates God’s heart for these “forgotten little ones,” that God has by no means forgotten.

10488090_10204454109171409_2242976695648352482_n(Sister Lucy, Brothers Kaden and John-Merle, and Nephew Isaac, and Niece Sadie)

My Aunt Rhonda and Uncle Don are missionaries to European nations. They’re some of my favorite people to talk to as we carry very similar hearts for prayer and reaching the nations.

My older sister, Linsey, is one of my heros. I’ve always wanted to be like her and I still do. She’s one of the best moms I’ve ever met. Her methods of discipleship are practical. And she and her husband carry strong hearts for hospitality and simple obedience.

My brother, Kurtis, is a true servant leader. He’s 21-years-old, but is one of the men I most respect in my life. He’s has a heart overflowing in generosity, and he leads men both older and younger, because he walks his talk.

My uncle George (seen below) is a visionary, and runs a ministry at his church called “Love Works,” which reaches out to the local community in practical ways. He recently won a prestigious Martin Luther King Jr. award for his dedication to humanitarian service.

unclegeorge

My cousin David is currently preparing to leave and be a part of a crisis intervention organization, because his heart is broken for the increase of terror happening in the Middle East. And my cousin Katie is passionate about supporting families who are dealing with chronic illness.

I could continue to talk about many other family members like my Aunt Bonnie, who’s always supported me in my endeavors, whether it was coming to a softball game when I was 9, or financially supporting all my trips overseas since I was 15.

This list is not even half my family, nor have I fully expounded upon all the ways they are truly the hands and feet of Jesus. I love the things they are doing. I’m so proud of them, and I want to share in what they’re passionate about. But can I? I mean how can I play a key role in each one of their stories and passions and maintain my own?

So here’s my larger point. It’s may be obvious, but it’s so crucial that I just need to say it, so that my own heart hears it. There’s truly something bigger than my little life going on. A universal story is  being played out. It spans all of time, and there is one hero, forever, and it’s Jesus. He gets the pedestal and he gets the throne. Because he’s the only one worthy of that title. The only guy who had everything, who legitly had the hero title, “but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant…and humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death on a cross” (Philippians 2:7-8).

Jesus glorious

And it’s a beautiful love story, because maybe surrendering the throne or hero title in your own life sounds ridiculous or hard (and infact it is); but Jesus is a hopeless romantic, and when we surrender our lives to him he invites us to be his valiant lover fighting at his side. So in other words I give up my own personal storyline, as the main character, to become a key role in a universal story that will last throughout eternity. This revelation makes everything I do a thousand times more significant.

Plus, my life suddenly becomes intertwined with those around me. My family’s passions are no longer individualized and separate from my own. Their lives are a part of my story, because my real story is God’s story. They each play key roles, that are absolutely needed in this grand narrative. And this gives me a restful spirit, because I don’t have the conquer the world on my own. I don’t have to prove myself through mountaintop experiences. And when my adventurous life quiets for a moment I don’t have to rush off to a foreign country, because in the steadiness of life I can better invest in the lives of those around me.

Missouri-Mountain-Summit

So maybe I’m not currently experiencing a “climax,” but in a month two of my best friends are getting married and I get to be a part of it. I get to share in the joy of two amazing people choosing to lay down their individual lives for a lifelong journey together. I’m not currently experiencing the joys (and terrors :)) of motherhood, but I get to be an aunt to my favorite kids in the world.

One final thought narrow-path-sun-rays-a

It’s interesting that the basics of Christianity are lay down your life, take up your cross, and follow Jesus. Yet so often I find myself and many others in a state of restlessness over finding or living our “callings.” My calling each day is very simple, lay down my own selfish ambition and do what Jesus does. Ah yes, that is the narrow path.

Art

Written for my dear friend Elisa, a women with a heart for authentic relationship and people telling their stories. She was the key person in helping me “come out” as a writer, about a year ago. I see now that poetry and free writing has always been inside of me, but it was a hidden treasure, mostly just used for internal communication between myself and God. It’s been a fun journey over the past year getting to share my poetry with friends and in larger settings, because relating to people in deep ways and exposing truth is so much of who I am.

This poem really is meant to be spoken, not read. So hopefully one day that will happen. In the meantime, here’s a small piece of my story with art and poetry writing.

View More: http://blackstone-photography.pass.us/brittany

I used to think art was for everyone…
Artsy
You know the guys who drink tea
The girls who like brie
The kids who watch Glee
The adults who live “free”
The people who actually like “The Old Man and The Sea”
But art, it wasn’t for me

Art was the kid who colored inside the lines when I was 4
She was the girl I sang a duet with when I was 8 and got all the compliments after the show
Art was the only class I didn’t do my homework in when I was 10
When I was 12 she was my best friend who wrote angry poems after class
At 14, Art was the boy who got out of class to practice choir
Art was the garage band my friends played in when I was 16
At 18 Art was my escapist dream amidst nursing school reality
At 20 she was the skinny jean, skinny me, hipster look I could never fully conquer

Then at 22 Art walked into my life as woman I could relate to at a point of loneliness and confusion
Her listening ears and open heart built trust and safety
And slowly she began to extend her hand, beckoning me into her world
The love in her voice couldn’t be resisted
So I followed her leading
Entering into to this world that had never been “me”

But something inside began to agree
And connect
Emotion came that I didn’t expect
And I began to reflect on both the intersect and disconnect
Realizing there had been both neglect and reject
So instead of fleeing I began being
Allowing the emotions I’d blocked off to begin breathing
It felting like seeing, for the first time
As I began to climb both into and outside my heart and mind
And the words just began to flow out in rhyme
And I began to find this captivating truth inside
Art was for me, more than that He was in me
He wasn’t for the elite and talented
I found out He’s unendingly multifaceted

See art is the external expression of all internal questions and confessions
She’s a thread in humanity that is meant to weave us together into a masterpiece of truth and beauty from ashes
Helping us to see through different glasses
With a theme of unity that surpasses our clashes
You don’t have to take classes
Just begin to open those boxes inside that you’ve kept closed
Those experiences you’ve said it’s better if nobody knows
Then I won’t be exposed and none can oppose

But let me propose a new idea through this prose
That little girl that dances inside needs to feel the sun
That young man with internal rhythm and rap needs to begin to run
Your art doesn’t need to be words and doesn’t need to be spoken
It’s just those inward realities that need to be awoken
And I’m hear to say you have been chosen
Arise and shine and take my hand
Let’s cross over into that new land
I can see the inner artist across all your faces
He’s trying to squeeze through even of the smallest open spaces
Embrace him
And let Art be the key to letting your inner man and women be what she’s always yearned to be
Free