No Man’s Land 1: Comfort Less


There are areas of my life where I try to be honest with myself. I like Starbucks and I spend too much money there. I like napping on my couch and youtube. I like snacking by myself…on my couch…while watching youtube. These are things I find comfort in.

I enjoy comfortable settings. Though I myself am not great at interior decorating, I really appreciate when people create beautiful and peaceful spaces inside their homes. I notice and it makes me feel happy, more at home, and again…comfortable.

The people I most like to spend time with are people that know me really well. And people I can relate to on a deep level or have similar interests and passions. It’s easy to converse when I feel understood.  


I guess what I’m saying is I value comfort. I know the conditions that bring me that feeling of happiness and contentment, and whether I’m always aware of it or not I find myself spending a good portion of my life pursuing that feeling.

But comfort and contentment doesn’t equal fulfillment. I’ve found it’s easy to be happy and enjoy life, while at the same time feeling hollow inside. And equally so it’s possible to feel deeply fulfilled, yet carry a mixed bag of emotions and struggles that definitely aren’t comfortable.

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This fall I’m moving to a conflict zone in the Middle East. I’ll be working as a nurse in a new clinic that is being established for local and displaced people (due to security reasons I’m not able to say where exactly I will be, but feel free to ask me in private or message me). I’m telling you about my addiction to comfort, so you know that I’m no different than you. My desire for comfort and intensity of love for my couch may even be stronger than yours. I’m also telling you this because it was one of the first realizations God had to awaken me to before my eyes could see the door He was opening to this place and people that his heart is broken for.

Like I said, I try to be self aware, and forthcoming about (*some of) my weaknesses. Because consciousness is the first step towards moving myself out of hypocrisy, where my stated values don’t align with my actions. But self-awareness only gets me so far, especially when a subconscious value is so deeply rooted inside me. I mean the kind of deeply rooted where I was making life decisions through the lens of comfort without even thinking about.

I enjoy adventure and spontaneity. Actually I need those things to really thrive. I’m also a passionate person, so I speak with intensity about injustice and the truths I believe God has shown me. So people, including myself at times, could look at my life and think I’m wired for taking risks and I’m totally unafraid to go wherever God would call me.


But I have been afraid, nervous about completely jumping in. My fears don’t have to do with death, but loneliness and unknowns. I’ve felt God beckoning me to “the hard places” for a long time. My heart trembling and overtaken with grief when I see the extreme suffering that is happening, specifically to children, all over the world. But I’ve looked away, pretending like I didn’t see Jesus motioning me to follow him.


The love story in Song of Solomon resembles my journey. In SOS 2:8-17 the bride’s Beloved comes to her and invites her to come away with him. He tells her now is the right time, it’s harvest time. He reminds her of their love and his desire for her to be with him. Though she loves him, she tells him to go on without her.

“Until the day breathes and the shadows flee,  Turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on the cleft mountains.”

After this scene, the bride goes through a process with her beloved, one filled with trial and pain. But at the end of the story the bride is the one beckoning her Beloved to the fields. Her desires and her actions now fully match his. And she proclaims that she wishes all could see her love for him.

I’m not yet at the place where the bride is at the end of the story, but I’m hopeful that this is path Jesus has me on. And more than that I’m encouraged because I know my Beloved’s desire is for me and every step of the way his leadership is full of love. He sees me. He looks at my heart, sees my desire to live fully with Him, but also sees the barriers to me doing that, and He knows how to perfectly and gently remove those barriers. All in love.

If we love Jesus, we are all on this journey. He’s beckoning us, he’s beckoning you, to come with him to the fields. The battle fields, the harvest fields, he wants you to come and join him there. We are his chosen bride, we are dark (full of sin/compromise) but he sees past that, to our potential, and says we are lovely (SOS 1:5).

No Father would give his pride and joy, his perfect son, to be married to an unworthy bride, to be joined with a woman who didn’t love him in the same way he loves her, and who didn’t value or want the same things he does. Yet God the Father is willing to give Jesus, the most humble and righteous man, to us in marriage. We who are lovers of self, and pursuers of comfort and pleasure. But he’s also committed to making us worthy of Jesus. We can not make ourselves worthy of him. But we can take Jesus’ hand and go with him to the mountain of myrrh, the place of death. We can choose to trust his leadership and believe the best about him in times of trial and pain, because this is what he does for us.

Sometimes you can have both fulfillment and comfort. But you have to decide which are you committed to. I think God wants us to be happy. He’s a God of joy, but He has this all encompassing plan in the works, so the whole world can live in that place of joy and it’s a battle to get there. Will we join him? Will we trade our pleasure now for the reward of never ending joy in the age to come? We’re all invited to the battlefield with him. Maybe it’s Syria, South Sudan, Iraq, Chicago, the Red-light district, or so many other places that are in need of the perfect love, justice and mercy of Jesus. He wants us there, we aren’t some damsel in distress bride. We are his chosen battle companion.

One final thought

There is so much injustice and suffering happening right now in the Middle East and North Africa. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed because there is so much need and you don’t know where you are “called,” I’m inviting you to come with me. Seriously, contact me and I can help get you connected. The time for lone heroes of the faith being sent out to nations alone, never to return, was amazing and inspiring; but now is the time for a nameless, faceless generation of lovers to arise and storm the gates of hell together.


Why Brazil

I’ve shared a little bit of intro of why I’ve joined full-time missions staff at Gateway House of Prayer (more to come), but I’m going to veer off a little and talk about the most immediate thing that is happening in January.

I’m headed to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil!

Why? Is Gateway sending you there? Are you doing nursing? How long will you be there? Do you speak Spanish?

I’m glad you asked. That’s why I’m here, to answer the questions that are lightbulbing off in your brain. Unless of course you’ve settled yourself on the likely theory of, “It’s Britt, she’s a free spirit, taking in all the opportunities she can to travel and do missions work.”


Well, around the beginning of August I had a night at work at Lancaster General Hospital, where I had the simple thought of, “I think I’m done with this job.” Slowly I began to look into jobs and contemplate what direction I was to head with nursing.

No job I looked into seemed right, and I was really just hoping the perfect job offer would come knocking at my door. It didn’t.

End of August I spent about a week out at International House Prayer, in Kansas City, and during my time there I felt like God really began to expand my vision. The boundaries of what I could do or where I could go were lifted, and people around me began to encourage me to dream and pray for big things, for the desires of my heart.

Through prayer I came to the understanding that I was supposed to quit my job and do something in January. The “something” was an open door of opportunity, which was exciting but a little nerve wracking because I just wanted to know what it was, so I could explain to people (and myself) where I was headed.

Along the way, I decided that my long term plan was going to be to join full-time missions staff at Gateway. Through talking to my parents I realized I still felt called to the House of Prayer for this season. But that didn’t answer the questions of where and what I was supposed to do in January.

My eyes and ears were open to where I might go, and I initially thought I was going to do medical missions work.

Then I had conversation with someone who began talking about Heidi Baker and as he was talking I was thinking, “Wow she sounds like a woman I would like to grow up to be.” So I went home and looked her up and found out about Iris Global ministries, founded by Heidi and her husband, Rolland. And as I looked up missions opportunities I found this global school in Rio de Janeiro. It was the first time it was ever happening, it was happening in January, and it was one month long.

Below is a description of the school, it was one of the first things I read. And after reading it I felt like a little kid in a classroom, after the teacher asks for volunteers, and I’m raising my hand saying, “Pick me! Pick me!”

“There is a new breed of missionaries being released across the earth, transparent saints, with oversized hearts, beating in rhythm with the heart of their Bridegroom King Jesus, carrying His glory across the earth. Fearless, laid-down lovers that know a love that has no boundaries, and are ready to run into the darkest places of the earth and bring in the lost, the dying, the poor and the broken. Jesus came with ceaseless love for both the one and the masses. Now we must do the same: stop for the one, but believe for the multitudes.”

It actually wasn’t immediately obvious to me that this was for sure where God was leading. But as I kept searching and praying it became clearer and clearer. The confirming point for me was when I was in the prayer room at Gateway one night and I was in turmoil asking God to confirm to me if I was to go to Brazil. Then one of my friends got up on the mic to pray and said, “Tonight we are going to praying for Brazil.” At that moment I realized that we had been praying for Brazil for the past several months, because human trafficking is on the rise due to the upcoming World Cup and Olympics. I got really excited in that moment, because it’s such an awesome opportunity to get to pray for a nation and then go there. It’s like being the answer to your prayers.


That’s the story. Here are the details.

It’s a global school, what that means exactly I don’t know. But I think it’s mostly going to be learning by doing. It’s called a school because it’s only a month long, so even though we will be doing a lot, it’s short term, so the emphasis is learning. I love this outlook on missions, because so often missions work is viewed as what “we,” the ones going, have to offer “them”. But that’s only half the story. God is doing amazing things all over the earth, especially among the poorest and unlikeliest. So I’m going to learn from the poor. Also the focus of the school is preparing people for third world missions, which is where I see myself in the future.

Will I be doing nursing? No and Yes. No, because its not a medical missions school. That’s not the focus. Yes, because I usually always end up doing medical work on trips and it’s one of the skills I had to list when applying for the school.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Do I know Spanish? I know a little, but that doesn’t even matter because they speak Portuguese in Brazil. Rio is the second largest city in Brazil. You probably have seen pictures of this beautiful city because one of the seven wonders of the world is there, the giant statue of Christ the Redeemer (Cristo Redentor). Like most cities there is a huge gap between the rich and the poor. Rio is three hours ahead of eastern standard time.


Heidi and Rolland Baker are originally from California, but Iris ministries is based out of Mozambique and they have bases all around the world. Because of that there will be students in Brazil from literally all over the world.

I leave for Brazil January 7th and will arrive on the 8th. I will be there until the end of the month and then I will be spending a little over a week in Haiti. My close friend, Ashley Messersmith (pictured below), has been living there for 6 months teaching English, so I will be taking this opportunity to visit her.



I don’t know when and I don’t know for sure, but I believe one day I will live and minister in a third world country. I don’t have a clearly articulated answer as to why I feel that way. I know that as I get to know Jesus and His kingdom I see that “the least of these” are the people He especially loves, or at least the ones that He points out. He chooses the things unseen, the ones that are low and even despised of this world (Corinthians 1:26-31). He loves the orphan and widow (James 1:27), and many that are last now will be first in His coming Kingdom (Luke 13:30). Also to be honest these are the environments and cultures that I feel most at home in.

Amy Carmichael and Mother Teresa are two of my biggest heroes. There are so many famous quotes spoken and written by both of these women. Their words are so filled with truth that we can’t help to say “AMEN” in our spirits when we read and hear them. But the reason their words are powerful is because they lived their words. They lived lives abandoned to Jesus. Leaving lives they could have had to love the poor and the needy, because of the love of Calvary. I can’t help but be inspired by them!

“I had feelings of fear about the future…The devil kept on whispering, “’It’s all right now, but what about afterward? You are going to be very lonely’”….And I turned to my God in a kind of desperation and said “’Lord, what can I do? How can I go on to the end?’” And He said, “’None of them that trust in Me shall be desolate.’” That word has been with me ever since.” – Amy Carmichael on ‘weighing the cost’ of missions work

Many people mistake our work for our vocation. Our vocation is the love of Jesus. – Mother Teresa


*Would you consider partnering with me? I still need to raise about $1,000 for my trip to Brazil. Email me ( for more information, or Click Here to donate online. All support is tax deductible.